Tuesday, November 24, 2015

Anne Shilton Graumlich

My dear friend, Anne Shilton Graumlich, died on what would have been Ruth and my 23 wedding anniversary, September 19, 2015. I wrote this about her, and it was published in the Ventura County Museum newsletter in November 2015. She was a true angel.

Wednesday, October 14, 2015

Changing the Messsage

When I started this blog over 5 years ago I guess it was because I was tired. I was tired of looking at the words, deeds, and outcomes of others, when what I was seeking was change. The worst sort of change really but it's the one we engage in the most, unfortunately.

I wanted everyone to see things the way that I saw them.

You can see something perfect, and yet, as human beings we think we can improve upon perfection, if only someone would listen to our idea. Everyone is the smartest person in the room when there is no one else there with you. You just know you are right.

I got lucky and found a woman who showed me that life was a compromise, a dichotomy, a place to choose your battles, and fight them wisely; with care, love, and understanding. I was with that woman for 23 years before she died almost 2 years ago now.

I learned I was a link, a valuable link, but a link none the less. The chain is all of us together and apart. We are all chained together by belief and hope. So how stupid am I for wanting the thing that kings, politicians, media outlets, and your best friend, also want; to be heard, believed, and considered, if even only for a moment?

I was on Facebook for 93 days this year, and everyone I knew, got to know, or wanted to know, well, I wanted them to see what I had to say and then understand what I was saying and make a change in their lives. I also saw friends and family that I loved, and I wanted them all to see me and then change.

What a fool, I continue to be.

Nothing changes except yourself.

So since those 93 days, I decided to change myself, again, and it worked. Life is so wonderful because it allows you to reinvent yourself over and over again. I am no longer filled with sorrow every minute of every day, bereft of a wife and seeing no future. I realized that liking something or posting something else was never going to get me where I needed to go, so I left, and went back to the real world.

It's a world where I accept people as they are. A world where my heart is open, and filled with laughter, a world where I can change this whole world, in a very real way. I am there now and it is wonderful. I love all my friends and family, I left behind on Facebook, but they all know they are in my heart every day, and they also knew, my real friends anyway, that I was going to be leaving soon. The road always is calling me.

I am needed in the real world so badly, that it is difficult to maintain this technology driven world but I will try. Just know that if you come to my web page nomessagehere.net you are going to be amazed at the giant mass of insanity there, and you can get to all of my blog pages from there, if they matter to you.

But really, if it does not matter to you, that's OK too. We all have the two lives that we manage everyday and sometimes that leaves no time to think about anything. But I know my two lives, the one I was given, and the other that I made for myself, are all I need, and even if no one reads these words, I will still keep writing them because it's all I can do to try and change myself, and possibly change you too.

Monday, September 14, 2015

Hello It's Me.

Like I said a few weeks ago I was taking a break from all this writing and thinking to start my own website, and to consider my reappearance in society. I guess when Ruth died I felt there was nothing left in this world for me but that has changed. I never thought I could re-invent myself one more time but it has happened. 

And it has happened so quickly I don't know what to think about it, so I have decided not to overthink myself out of something, and just go with it. I have simply decided to stop worrying about living and just live. Facebook did not work because I could not self-direct it to make it conform to my life. I then realized that everything was out of my control, so I just decided to let go, and try and follow my heart. 

So I did it and the outcome was just the best that it could be. I am seeing a small light at the end of a long tunnel. Something I thought I would never see again. I miss Ruth, and the life we had together but her death does not mean I can stop living. So I am not and will not, and here I go again.

Wednesday, August 26, 2015

In Case You Were Wondering

I am taking a break from writing on these blogs while I research and work on launching my new website. I thank you for your patronage and look forward to speaking with you again soon. Hang in there people.

Thursday, August 20, 2015

Something Very Odd

I'm getting ready to start my own actual website. I am using a professional website builder and they are asking me questions about inventory, sales, analytics, and a whole bunch of other stuff I know nothing about.

It seems the only reason a person starts a website is to sell you something. Everyone is always trying to sell you something. I use the example "soap," because I think everyone has had an encounter with soap, at least once in their lifetimes. Well, that's really it. All this internet stuff is set up to sell soap. It might be food soap, or sex soap, or relationship soap, you get the idea.

Except for me.

And this has mystified my website designers, because I don't want you to buy soap, as a matter of fact I would feel the same about you if you looked here, found nothing interesting, and then moved on. Nothing for sale, no sales come on. Nothing. I have an eBay page that most of this stuff is on or has been sold on, but you will have to find that yourself because I am not sticking it here to ask you to go there and buy something. 

Don't buy anything that does not make your heart move. 

Especially soap.

Fritz Pulpaneck Violin Bridge, Made in Los Angeles California

Wednesday, August 19, 2015


It does not matter how cool you think you are, you are not. Do not tell young women stupid stuff. Just keep your mouth shut unless your parents taught you how to be polite. It's really simple. If you tell young women, they would look cuter if they smiled, you might get this.

Saturday, August 15, 2015

What I Believe In

The other day, someone again, asked me, a buyer and seller of what might be described as "collectible," or "rare," items what I personally collect. I have to say that the things that I collect number 2 and one of them I will be keeping to myself, thank you. I will reveal that my only public collectible is book markers. Not just regular book markers but book markers that have been left behind in old books. You would be surprised what you can find inside an old book and a marker is one of the first, and sometimes only, things that you find.

But I make sure I pay for the marker, even though the store owner, not knowing of the markers existence, often offers it for free, I always pay 1 dollar. I write down the book I found it in and the page, and other particulars both important and not. Why is this my collection? I don't know. Maybe the thought of all those people, reading all those words, and then caring enough about those words that they marked their place, so they could return to those words, makes me have hope as a writer that I will one day make someone feel the same way with words I have written.

But the unsaid question, that hangs in the air after the collection question, is what do you believe in Steve? Again, I have been hampered by an education which is elevated in some areas and in deficit in others. Everything I know and have learned has come from books, movies, or music. It's all I know.

So I will let Crash Davis, played by Kevin Costner in the movie "Bull Durham," provide my answer, as he has in the past. Crash Davis said:

"Well I believe in the soul, the cock, the pussy, the small of a woman's back, the hanging curve ball, high fiber, good scotch, that the novels of Susan Sontag are self-indulgent, overrated crap. I believe that Lee Harvey Oswald acted alone. I believe there should be a constitutional amendment outlawing AstroTurf and the designated hitter. I believe in the sweet spot, soft core pornography, opening your presents Christmas morning rather than Christmas eve and I believe in long, slow, deep, soft, wet kisses that last three days."

Just in case you were wondering.

Santa Paula California City Directory, 1959

Thursday, August 13, 2015

The Voice of a Friend

I heard the voice of a friend the other day. One of the few people who met my late wife Ruth, and saw the wonderfulness of her, even if it was for only a short time. They told me that had suffered through cancer also and had beaten back the terrible disease. I was so happy to hear my friends voice that I forgot to shut up and just jabbered and jabbered.

So I am sending this one out to you my friend. I wish you health, life, and money, and the time to enjoy them all. 

Tuesday, August 11, 2015

What Lloyd Dobler Said

"I don't want to sell anything, buy anything, or process anything, as a career. I don't want to sell anything bought or processed or buy anything sold or processed or process anything sold, bought or processed."

Photo Courtesy of Bing Wallpaper