Monday, June 13, 2016

Blame John Steinbeck

A normal good day for me starts out with going to the news stand, and getting the paper. That did not happen today.

Instead, I cried in the bank, on the bus, and now back in my home. I find my self in a precarious position. I know history, the law, have served, have protected others, and I have seen death. It's not something I am proud of but I understand it. Very well.

I was at the site of a nuclear missile incident on 1-11-1985, while guarding an international border. 3 friends died there. 25 more injured. Everyone hated us and I don't blame them. I hated us too sometimes. But even after ending my military career somewhere between the Bay Islands and Amatitan, I still believed in this place. The USA, I mean.

I mean, I went a lot of places and even though the USA makes giant mistakes, we still try and lead the way. I believe that eventually we will overcome our problems. We're a baby still. 240 years is nothing. I lived in places in Germany that were hundreds of years older than our whole country.

But when I was 1 year old my dad held me on his shoulders in Oxnard, California, where I now reside, so we could watch JFK go by. We killed him not long after that. Mick was right. It was you and me. This was his brother. We killed him too.

But I am personally, not taking anything personally. I am left with no feelings. None. My biggest sorrow is for the loved ones. Even the ones, where I made them the loved ones. But I pay penance every day. So my heart is troubled but I will survive, and so will the USA.

It may take more than 50 souls to make the world change, the USA world change, but I would pray not.